An unbreakable bond

The day I saw my daughter for the first time, I was in shock and couldn’t believe I created something so beautiful. How could I give birth to something so perfect, when I have never been perfect in my whole life or even close to it? I had not been able to see her for nine whole months. Now looking at her made me feel overwhelmed. I had truly changed from the first day of knowing I was pregnant, to sitting there in the hospital looking at my daughter. That journey of pregnancy had changed me forever, physically and mentally, I will never be the same. Physically it changed my body, but mentally I was a whole new person now. I had become “Aleisha the Mother”, no longer a child. I never thought that being a mother was something I wanted to do but when I was given the chance to, I took it.
The first four months were the easiest, I would have to say. Well for me, I didn’t know I was pregnant for the first four months. I didn’t have any of the signs or symptoms of pregnancy. The only one I had was being tired all the time. I would sleep like I was dead. No one could ever wake me up. I was only eating grape fruit, three or four times a day. Grapefruit is so good with sugar on it and then you use a spoon to dig it out. McDonalds is also something that I would freak out about if I didn’t get to eat. I would start crying like a three year old kid if I didn’t get it. I would even yell at the McDonalds staff if they messed my order up. Yes, I know this is really bad, I’m not proud of it. I knew something was up. So I thought I needed to take a pregnancy test, but I didn’t think I was pregnant. So I asked my boyfriend to get a pregnancy test. When he came back with seven of them, I knew I was going to take all of them. After taking them, I put the test right back into the boxes. I didn’t want to see the results. So I gave them back to my boyfriend, so he could read the results to me. We both sat in his car waiting to see the results. He pulled the first test out and it said that I was pregnant, then every test after that all had a smiley face on it or a “yes”!
I didn’t want to do anything that would hurt my child. So I stop eating junk food (but not McDonalds) and I ate EVERYTHING that the Doctor said was good for me. I even started taking shots of wheat grass, three times a week; we all have to do things that suck. I stopped eating candy; this was very hard for me. I really love eating candy. There are many foods I stopped eating, but some stuff like peanut butter, I still wanted to eat. But I couldn’t because it tasted nasty to me. When I became pregnant my taste buds changed. So all the foods I might have liked then I don’t anymore, which was crazy to me because I loved peanut butter. I stopped playing basket ball because I didn’t want to get hit and lose my baby. I became a big worry wart. I was always thinking about what might happen to me if I did this or that. I was going crazy worry all the time. Then I had to stop worrying so much because I was making myself sick. I had anxiety about everything. I just wanted the baby to be ok. My anxiety got so bad that I would pass out. After talking to my doctor, I found many ways to get over my anxieties; like just relaxing, listening to music, drawing and writing in a journal. This helped me a lot so in two weeks I didn’t worry about anything anymore.
Going to the Doctor appointments weren’t the greatest thing. It seemed like every time I went, they always had some type of sick update for me. When I went the nurse would get my weight, height and my blood pressure. I would have to urinate in a cup, test that checked for how much protein was in my urine. The nurse would put me in a small room to wait for the doctor. After spending twenty minutes in this cold room, the doctor would come in, spends like ten minutes talking to me. The doctor would tell me what was wrong and how she was going to make it better. Sometimes they gave me pills to help with the dizziness. When my feet would swell and become kancles, they would just tell me to prop my feet up and to make sure they were above my heart. Everyone who has had a baby knows that your feet get like seven times bigger, I couldn’t even put my feet up above my heart because my belly was too big. I spent so much time in my doctor’s office, everyone there knew me on a first name basis, which meant they knew all my problems with my pregnancy. I didn’t even have to check in5 anymore; this was nice for me less walking. So my kancles would have a chance to go down.
The last two months where really hard for me, I was in and out of the hospital. One of the reasons I went to the hospital was because I coughed up a small puddle of blood. After the doctors did a cat scan and an ultrasound on my leg. They told me that I popped blood vessel and it traveled up my leg and in my chest. I would have drowned if I didn’t wake up!! After leaving the hospital I was put on bed rest for about six days. The second time I went to the hospital. I had gone to the bathroom and found this mucus plug in my underwear. I called the nurse’s line and they told me to come in. I got to the hospital and they hooked me up to all the machines. I watched the monitor that showed me my contractions. The contractions were in the nineties, this was highest I had ever seen it. After ten or fifteen minutes, the nurse came and told me that a doctor was going to be coming. All I thought was that the doctor was going to tell me to take it easy and not to overdo. When he came in he told me that my contractions were too strong but I wasn’t in any pain! Being checked is not fun; a doctor has to stick their fingers inside you to see how far you have dilated. He checked me and sure enough I was four and half centimeters. When he found this out his whole facial expression changed. I was only thirty-four weeks! I couldn’t have a baby today! He began to explain that they were going to stop my labor. How could they stop a baby from coming out? Well what they do is give you two shots into your ASS. It hurt so bad that I couldn’t even sit on my butt for three days. I spent a whole week in the hospital to make sure labor didn’t start again.
Four days later, I was a sleep in my bed when I was woken up by my water braking. The first thing I thought was that I had peed on myself. I got up and fluid kept coming. I was so confused, if I didn’t pee on myself what was this! Then that’s when it hit me, my water had broke. I went into panic mode. I was calling the nurse’s line and trying to get a hold of everyone I knew. Telling everyone that this time I was in labor was nice because I knew that I wasn’t coming home without a baby. I freaked out so much that I didn’t even pack a bag. After being in the hospital for a week to stopped my labor I just unpacked my bag because I didn’t think I would go back into labor so fast. I just hopped into a cab and just went to the hospital. They already had my room ready because they knew I was just here four days earlier. Of course when I got there they checked me, now I was at five and a half centimeters. I was moving right along. My doctor was already there, she had to work at the hospital that night anyway. The funny thing is that my doctor was about to go out of town for a week. So I guess that baby wanted to come before she left.
Having to sit in the hospital room for hours and then for nothing to have happened was very discouraging. I really wanted to come to the hospital and have them say that it was time for me to give birth. But that wasn’t even close to how it was going to happen. I planned on having a natural birth, but that was all about to change. When my labor first started I couldn’t feel any pain. So I thought I was doing great. After six hours of no pain and being checked over and over again, the last time they checked me I was only six centimeters. The doctors and like ten other people came in to my room and told me that they wanted to give me Pitocin, which would help the labor move a long faster. If I had known what I know now, I would have said no to this. At first this drug wasn’t doing anything, so I asked if I could get a little more. The doctor told me no and to wait for an hour, then I could get another dose. Thirty minutes later, I was so angry that they gave me this shit. Before this drug from hell, my contractions were only forty seconds long and every five minutes. These new contractions were two minutes long every three minutes. I was in so much pain that I couldn’t even listen to someone talk to me. The only thing that helped me was not moving when the contractions would start. I went through this pain for about three or four hours.
When the contractions would start my daughter heart rate would go down. Which really isn’t a problem as long as it comes right back up. The heart rate would stay down for forty-five seconds longer than normal. So they told me that I had to get an ultrasound. They had a look at what the problem was and my doctor started laughing. She told me that my baby girl had gotten a hold of her umbilical cord. This would be ok if she would let go so labor could move to the next stage. They tried to put liquid into my uterus, that she way would let go of the cord. This didn’t work, so they waited for the next contraction. She still had the cord. So the doctors wanted to try one more thing to stop all the pitocin I was being given. Now with the pitocin not being given to me anymore, she should be able to let go so I would give birth the normal way. The doctors were beginning to worry. If my daughter didn’t let go she could die because of the lack of oxygen to her brain and heart. Also she could be born with brain damage. They took one more look with the ultrasound machine. My daughter still had her umbilical cord in her hand. The doctor told me that if I was not fully dilated to ten centimeters in the next twenty minutes, then I would have to get c-section. Twenty minutes later, the doctor checked me to see if I was ten centimeters. I wasn’t only seven centimeters. I asked if I could have a little more time but the doctor said no.
Knowing that I was going to get a c-section was hard on me. So when they told me that I was going to have to call someone just in case something might happen, I was worried. I called my oldest sister Besola and I told her everything that was happening. She told me that she was on her way, but she was going to get my mom first. At the time I lived in Saint Cloud, Minnesota, which is an hour from Minneapolis, Minnesota. That meant by the time I got out of my surgery they should be there hopefully. When I got off the phone with my sister I had to call my family in Seattle to let them know what was happening now. I had been updating them like every five minutes or so. Right when I hung up the phone it started ringing. About every woman was on that call, after making them shut up to tell them that I was going to have to get a c-section.. So I try one more time and then they want to know who was coming upping to that hospital I got everyone up to speed. They all told me that I better call right when I get done so they don’t have to worry. Getting off that phone would have been one of the hardest things because no woman in my family understands “bye”. After I got off the phone it was time for me to go in for my c-section.
As they got me in to that operation room, they moved me to the other bed I knew then that there was no turning back. The c-section took about six minutes over all. When I was getting the c-section it just felt as if someone was poking me, over and over again. They didn’t let me watch the surgery, but from where I was I could smell the blood. I wanted to see what the cut looked like. I asked if they could hold a mirror to the cut. This cut was one nasty looking thing. I looked like I was in some crazy horror movie and I was the person who got killed by the maniac. I thought it would at least take them around six minutes to close my abdomen. But more like a whole hour, I can understand that because they had to stitch me back up. I just thought that it wouldn’t take that long. I really didn’t have any place to go. I just wanted to get back to my room to be with my baby. I hadn’t gotten a chance to see her, with all the doctors around her making sure that she was perfect.
After they pulled her out, I couldn’t hear a baby crying. What was wrong? My heart began to drop. But then I saw the nurse bring her over to the table for her to be cleaned off. As they began to wipe her off, she cried very loud. She had this purple blue tint to her skin even though she had a dark skin tone. When she was wiped down and had warm blankets on her, she was much quieter. They put a tube up her nose to get whatever might be inside it, out. This made her cry even more and I knew that this would not be that last time I would hear her cry. As the nurse and all the seven doctors moved into get a good look at her. One at a time they all took two or three minutes to look at her. My doctor asked would I like to see her, yes was my answer to her question. They came over first to tell me how proud of me she was. She walked away with this smile on her face as if she had just done her life’s calling. When they brought my baby girl over to me, time really stopped. As I watch the nurse walk toward me I couldn’t help but think what will she look like? I know like four minutes went by before the nurse got to me. She came over with this small baby, as she leaned over to show me my baby. She looked like she had just eaten something sour. She had the puppy face, it was all pouty looking! She had jet black hair it was as soft as silk. She looks so much like my younger sister that is was surreal.
When I went throw the journey of pregnancy, I learn how to become a mother. Pregnancy taught me how to expect the unexpected and to deal with the things out of my control. It showed me the joy of giving birth and how I would have to be patient in life. The day I had my daughter, I felt as if a switch went off inside me. I felt different, I was reborn. Their something about pregnancy that causes you to have a bond with your child that is unbreakable. Doctors say it is because of hormones. But I believe it because of I learn how to become a mother in those nine months.

Categories Poems

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